Apathy

People who are apathetic really get to me because I don't understand how you can't get excited about things. I'm an extremely passionate and excitable person, and I just love everything I do. I don't see the point in doing things half heartedly, where's the fun in that? So, when I become really down and apathetic about work I get annoyed at myself. I seem to have put so much pressure on trying to do well that I can't focus when it comes down to it. I wear myself out before I even start working. And well, this has become a problem, obviously. It also doesn't help that I have been looking forward to university so much that I don't feel as keen about school as I normally do. I'm in my last year and everyone around me is just, slipping away, becoming apathetic about everything, including our friendships. It's making me feel it too, and making me feel like I'm not worth any effort or that I haven't been a great friend. I dunno the last time someone really asked me how I was or really thought about how I feel.

I have come to only one solution to this: gurn up and work. I'm just going to throw myself into work and forget about all the shit people. At least, by the end of it I'll have good results and who knows? Maybe I really will make a name for myself and do really well. I realise now that I'm better and smarter than I thought I was and I'm damn well stubborn. I want to do well and prove to myself and others that I am not in fact 'mediocre' but that I'm just that bit ahead, that bit more determined and focused. I want to go to university and well I need to work to do that. Work itself means that I don't have to deal with all the ridiculous dramatic shit that's been going on. So, I work really hard during the week and spend less time sitting on my computer and then go crazy at the weekend... Only problem is that half my friends hate me and could not be assed... They're becoming so APATHETIC and BORING.
So I dunno, maybe I'll just go and have my own party... I'm just going to dance to Billy Idol all weekend...

My life has become so dull and boring.
Seriously.
Someone save me.

Jay.