Everlong Ecstacy

Sparkles in the darkness,

Flashing lights and sailing
Colours along the rooftops.
Falling from the heights and
Reaching the bottom: head first.
Losing the will and casting our
Arms out to the world. Drinking
Down endless glasses and throwing
back our heads in abandon. Dancing
Along the streets and carrying our heavy
bodies back to bed, all alone again.

Untitled

I try really hard, and give it my all,
I care too much but that’s not it all.
I smile like I’m fine and talk it all out;
No one would notice I’ve ever had a doubt.
I walk and stroll with a song in my heart
Whilst prattling away but, truthfully, falling apart.
The words are running circles around me
And slowly but surely I’m going crazy.
You plague me with emotions and thoughts
I shouldn’t feel. My heart is swelling, shots
Of painful Happiness jolt through my body.
The beatings and bleedings of my faulty
Heart resounds. Can you hear it? It stops me
In my tracks and I tremble that you might see
The heart that beats within me. I worry
You’ll turn away, run away and never say sorry.
I try really hard, and I keep my little smile,
But I can only go for so long, it’s been a while
Since someone looked and truly saw me,
And it terrifies me, I have never felt so free.

Things To Be Happy For

Things to be happy for:

The smell of freshly peeled oranges,
And the waves of aroma of coffee in the morning,
The cool breeze whipping across your face and the
pulse of your heart on an early morning run.
The sound of music on your ears and the
sun rising and falling as it spreads its rays on us.
The warm embrace of a friend as they hug you
And don’t let go. The feeling of a kiss on your body
That leaves you tingling all over.
The taste of brownie mix and the wafts of smell
As they cook. The feeling of sand falling through
Your fingers and the waves crashing over your feet. 
The feeling of your hands around a warm cup 
And the sips of tea after a long, hard day.
The smiles from loved ones, and the thoughtful
Concerns, the books that stay with us, and the words
That keep us going. The sights we’ll never forget
And the memories that never cease to make us smile.
The good days we should be happy for, and the bad days
We’ll move past. Things to be happy for:
You.

Apathy

People who are apathetic really get to me because I don't understand how you can't get excited about things. I'm an extremely passionate and excitable person, and I just love everything I do. I don't see the point in doing things half heartedly, where's the fun in that? So, when I become really down and apathetic about work I get annoyed at myself. I seem to have put so much pressure on trying to do well that I can't focus when it comes down to it. I wear myself out before I even start working. And well, this has become a problem, obviously. It also doesn't help that I have been looking forward to university so much that I don't feel as keen about school as I normally do. I'm in my last year and everyone around me is just, slipping away, becoming apathetic about everything, including our friendships. It's making me feel it too, and making me feel like I'm not worth any effort or that I haven't been a great friend. I dunno the last time someone really asked me how I was or really thought about how I feel.

I have come to only one solution to this: gurn up and work. I'm just going to throw myself into work and forget about all the shit people. At least, by the end of it I'll have good results and who knows? Maybe I really will make a name for myself and do really well. I realise now that I'm better and smarter than I thought I was and I'm damn well stubborn. I want to do well and prove to myself and others that I am not in fact 'mediocre' but that I'm just that bit ahead, that bit more determined and focused. I want to go to university and well I need to work to do that. Work itself means that I don't have to deal with all the ridiculous dramatic shit that's been going on. So, I work really hard during the week and spend less time sitting on my computer and then go crazy at the weekend... Only problem is that half my friends hate me and could not be assed... They're becoming so APATHETIC and BORING.
So I dunno, maybe I'll just go and have my own party... I'm just going to dance to Billy Idol all weekend...

My life has become so dull and boring.
Seriously.
Someone save me.

Jay.

Queen of the World

You take your crown of shit in all its glory:
As they all bow down and fall before you
You lick your lips and toss your hair
It tumbles and falls as you bare
your teeth. They glisten like pearls
But they’re rotten underneath, like empty shells
You twist them and you trick them,
You abuse them as you screw them
One by one. Each to your own
as you moan, and you groan
And they all bow down before you
because you stand tall in all your glory.
Off with the crown and off with the head,
Your rule has been too long now: your heart is dead

Truth

I stare at the stars as they struggle through the clouds,
Their shapes faintly forming under the musky mist.
They shine like gods in heaven and glitter
Like a fool's dream. Truth finds its way in them,
She sings through their light, clear and unwavering
In the cold dark night. The rain falls and the stars
Seem to cry as I am patiently waiting for them to glow
Beyond and stop the rain. Truth comes through again,
Against the  mist and the fog, against the rain, the stars
Glow and shine.  They can't be covered,
No matter how dark the night; the stars shine through it all.     

I'm sorry this isn't a usual post but in a few minutes I'm away on my journey to London! I can't believe how excited I am. I'm performing with my orchestra (City of Belfast Youth Orchestra) in the closing night of Music for Youth Proms in the Royal Albert Hall. This is now the second time this year that I get to perform at such a sensational venue and at the Proms! I never thought I would be able to say I had the chance to perform in the Royal Albert Hall or the Proms never mind twice. I've come so far in a year and I'm really proud of myself, and excited for all the opportunities to come. This is only the beginning!

Music is such an important part of my life and I don't think people just quite realise how much it is but it is and this is such a big deal to me. It is an incredible honour to perform at such prestigious events and to be taught and mentored by so many professional musicians. I realise how lucky am I to have this opportunity but it has also taken a lot of hard work and it's extremely lovely to be given something back for you hard work.

Anyway, I best be off... LONDON BABY!

Jay

Thanks for Asking

I’m doing okay right now,
Thanks for asking.
My mind hasn’t gone crazy,
Thanks for asking.
Even my small heart has healed,
Thanks for asking,
It is no longer bleeding,
Thanks for asking.
I don’t feel like I’m drowning
Thanks for asking.
My mask is as strong and not cracked
Thanks for asking
I’m doing well for myself,
Thanks for asking.
I no longer want to run
Thanks for asking.
Nor feel like screaming out loud
Thanks for asking.
I don’t feel overwhelmed now,
Thanks for asking.
My scars are healing, fading,
Thanks for asking.
It’s not like I’ve been lying,
But thanks for asking:
I know you’re fine don’t worry
I’ve been asking all the time,
I’ve listened to it all now.